A Link Between Bipolar and Schizophrenia
I just read an article about a link between the genetic cause of Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia – Schizophrenia and manic depression: new link that could help millions. The article claims that genetic mutations called single nucleotide polymorphisms (SNPs) are responsible for both conditions about one third of the time. It doesn’t address the other two thirds. Nor do they know why some people become bipolar and some schizophrenic. However, the link will potentially help researchers find a better way to battle the illnesses. No statistics were offered about those who developed bipolar disorder, but according to this study, 1 in 100 Britons become schizophrenic. Not good odds.
You know, it’s studies like these, that while somewhat worrisome, do help to validate me. It’s hard enough to deal with an invisible illness without also having a totally invisible cause. To have the fact that bipolar disorder has a genetic component reinforced by this type of study really helps. Not that I’m in a hurry to tell my friends and family: “See, I told you it wasn’t my imagination, bipolar is linked to schizophrenia, so there!”
Living with this condition is worse than a box of chocolates, it’s like a mine field. You really never know what your going to get with any step you take. Take today for instance. I’m feeling very even, doing well, feeling guilty that I’m not accomplishing more – guilty that I don’t work, guilty that I don’t keep a clean house. I feel fine, what’s wrong with me? Days like this are hard. I feel good and I want to move forward with my life. I try to make plans for the future. If my family or friends were around me today, they’d wonder why I’m still not working. In fact they might even say something about it. Of course this is one of those deceptive days. I feel good, but still don’t accomplish anything. I just feel like I can.
To be honest, I’m not surprised that scientists have found this link. You would have thought they’d have looked for it sooner with some of the symptoms we have. Or maybe it’s just me. lol.But I do know this, that euphoric high, when it’s at its most powerful, is hypnotic and even hallucinogenic. Or maybe that’s just when you go off your meds. 
But seriously, I hope they have a breakthrough soon. I, for one, am ready to rejoin the world in all my former glory. I’ve been listening to Tony Robbins, who says he can fix anybody, and I’m halfway through the program. Like I said before, I’ll have to listen to it twice, I’m sure. But, if he can “fix” me, I’m ready. I’ve had enough of all of this. Enough miserable days feeling worthless. Enough miserable afternoons afraid of my own shadow. Enough feeling like I’m made of pure lead. Enough realizing I’ve forgotten something important – again! Enough! I want out. I thought I had made peace with my limitations, but maybe I was wrong. I can’t live in this world and give my family what it needs by laying down and taking it.
I want it all back. My memory, my courage, my assertiveness – all of it. I want to be that happy woman again. Sure, I wasn’t always happy. But before I started getting sick, I was happy more than I was sad. Of course, alot of that could have been the mania . Why is that the first thing to go when they medicate you anyway? Why can’t you keep your highs and just get rid of the lows? Seems like it would make a lot more sense, a bunch of happy people running around instead of a load of deadpan patients sitting quietly waiting to be seen. Just a thought.
Leave a Reply