Depression Can Scream

I’m so depressed right now I can hardly breathe.  My friend has stopped calling since I told him about me, my home is in jeopardy, and I just can’t bring myself to move.  I need groceries and one of my prescription meds, but I just can’t face my day yet.  I was okay a few minutes ago, but then this just came down on me like an avalanche.  I just haven’t accomplished a thing in so long.  I don’t even know what I am trying to accomplish any more.  I don’t want to leave my home, so it’s so much harder to pack like I’m going to.

I just want to crawl back under the covers and hide.  My son is gone today so I’m here alone.  I hate the sound of this house without him sometimes.  I mean, it’s not like we have great meaningful conversations all the time or anything.  He is a teenager after all.  But his presence reminds me that I am alive and that I have responsibilities to someone I love. 

The sound of the toilet filling is driving me crazy!  It’s clashing with the drone of the refrigerator.  I feel so agitated, yet I can still barely move.  This illness is so stupid.  It makes me feel helpless.  But, I’m going to try to take control of my day again.  Maybe I’ll start with a list.

 

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Well, not only did I manage to go out today, but I went out three separate times to shop!  Not only that, but I cooked a grilled steak dinner for me and my son and I just got back from a walk around the neighborhood.  Can you say rapid cycling? lol.

~ by artambrosia on July 4, 2009.